I was watching How I Met Your Mother tonight and the topic was about the "Reacher" vs. the "Settler." The theory that there's both in a relationship, where the "Reacher" is dating someone out of their league and the "Settler" is settling for someone below their league. Although I 100% agree with the theory, I also wonder if the Reacher vs. Settler is based on reality or mentality. If it's reality, then the most objective person would be able to pick out the Reacher or the Settler in a couple. However, if it's mentality, then it's all about the dynamic of the relationship.
For example, I can't make myself crazy about Mr. Ireland because I feel like he's the Reacher in this courtship. For some reason, he's not as physically attractive or as witty as I think I am. Pretty cocky of me, right? But as a result, I am not as attentive to him as I should be and I don't feel the need to return any of his phone calls or texts. And what happens in return? He keeps trying, because now he's put in that Reacher position.
On the other hand, there's my situation with Mr. Sporting Goods. I feel that I am the Reacher because for some reason, I find him so incredibly attractive with an amazing pedigree. And as a result, I give him my undivided attention and I agonize over his calls and texts. And what happens in return? I am always available for him and I freely spill my feelings about him.
The point is, I think a successfully played game in dating is to be the Reacher in reality but Settler in mentality. It'll keep both parties wanting more. Now, saying it is much better than doing it. Good luck to us all!
Those are some interesting points you raise. I think that being in the Reacher position, whether in reality or mentality, keeps an individual striving to do more or to do better, while settling in to the Settler role can lead to a sense of complacency that isn't necessarily all that good for relationships. Thus, it seems like keeping one's position in each role in a dynamic state or a state of flux might also be a key ingredient in keeping a relationship going and growing.
ReplyDeleteI know...it sounds like a bunch of hot air. It sounded good in my head though.
I'm out of touch and just seen HIMYM for the first time a few weeks ago and now hooked. it's funny and does bring up these great theories into it. Totally agree with the reacher and settler and to be the reacher (not above your station) and win is the real winner. BUT for long term relationship success and a happy life together, once the settler has settled and both have committed to each other either by marrage or verbal agreement the the R Vs S situation has to be binned and they must committ and work on the relationship together. Some good old fashioned Christian Values wouldnt go amiss...
ReplyDeleteI know what u mean. I dated josh i settled for him then i dumped him he was too much. Then mike the hottest jock im a college nerd. I thought i was the reacher. But we got enaged he told me he was the reacher, because he said i was smart and pretty and i can have any guy i want. I think we are both reachers and we thought we was settlers.
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