The End of Sporting Goods

Yes, I know it has been a long time since I've updated you guys about my dating (mis)adventures. Let me save you from the boring details and give you a brief synopsis of what has been going on. Basically, I fell hard for Sporting Goods. I put him on a pedestal and I wanted to do everything to keep him around. I stopped seeing other people and devoted all of my time and energy to SG. He, on the other hand, did not feel the same intensity towards me. Or at least, I don't think. He was very hot and cold and would one day treat me like a girlfriend and the next day treat me like a casual friend. I couldn't deal with the emotional roller coaster anymore so it all boiled down to the day before Valentine's Day, when I told him the frustrations that I was feeling. He gave a half-assed attempt to salvage things but then finally admitted that he was just not sure about me. He told me that he had not been seeing other people and was exclusive in his mind, but he couldn't verbalize it because he was afraid his feelings would change. What it sounded like was the fact that he was not willing to risk his feelings to be with me. I knew I had to end it there because I deserve someone who is willing to fight for me, put themselves out there for me, risk their heart for me. Because frankly, I was willing to do all that for him.

So, all in all, it was a fantastic 2 months with SG that taught me a lot. The breakup has been extremely hard and I'm trying to take it one day at a time. But the best thing out of this whole thing is the fact that I know I have the capability to REALLY like someone. I've never felt this way about anyone before and although it hurts now, it felt so good in the moment.

For those of you who are curious as to what this "feeling" is like, well, let me describe. I was excited to see him EVERY time. It drove me crazy not to see him. He was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night. Talking to him on the phone made me giggle and blush like I was in high school again. I could stare at pictures of us for hours. And picturing my life without him has been nearly impossible. I haven't felt so heart broken since my first love in high school.

Well, I'm leaving it up to fate. Whatever's meant to be will be. For now, it's about moving on. One day at a time.