Mr. Uni

I was drunk at a friend's bachelor party (yes, girls were allowed) and met a tall, older gentleman.  Although I was obliterated, I still remember a couple of my friends encouraging me to date rich, older men.  Try it on for size if you will.  So with an open mind, I decided to accompany my older gentleman for an hour.  With my beer goggles, I remember seeing a very tall man (around 6'5"), dark features, and a large nose.  He had an old, soulful voice.  I was not attracted but we did have hilarious conversation about who the hell knows.  I gave him my card and left to throw up.

A few days later, he called and asked to take me to dinner.  Dollar signs in my eyes, I agreed.  So tonight, we met at a cute French restaurant on the upper west side.  I dressed "mature" for my age in hopes making our 1st public appearance not too awkward for onlookers.  I show up fashionably late and there he is, a tall...dark...dad??  Yes, I was drunk, but I could swear he wasn't this old!  He stands up to greet me with his 6'5" frame (at least I got that part right) and I immediately gasp at his not-to-be-missed unibrow.  Thus, we call him Uni.  

Uni may be older than my dad.  I'm not sure.  I try not to think about it.  He introduces me to his friend and also owner of the restaurant, who is a gray-haired man well into his 50's.  We are led to our "romantic" table for 2.  Uni talks to me about his numerous brothers, his work, and his love for steak.  Meanwhile, all I can do is examine the wrinkles on his face, his loose skin, and his sagging eyelids.  Uni also has this Marlon Brando-like voice that soothes and scares me at the same time.

Now I've gone too far.  In my quest to date as many men as possible, I apparently lost all of my standards.  I quickly finish my dinner and pretend to be calm, collected, and confident.  I stay a little after dinner to chat with him and his buddy, and Uni walks me to the subway.  He wants to see me again.  I tell him I'm going away for a really long time.  

As I walk home from the subway, I text my girlfriends "It was like dating my dad, except my dad is better looking."